Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
