There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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