he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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