Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize