omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
