Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
