Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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