chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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