JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
