I want to walk on stilts...naked
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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