He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
