So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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