dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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