also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
