I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
