I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
