so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
