do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
