i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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