Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
