She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
