my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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