Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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