i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
