I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
