I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
