the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The struggles of a small town man whore
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
