Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
