i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
