he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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