When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
