Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
