I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
