does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently you make a good broom.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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