dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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