My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
