the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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