he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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