Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
