why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
