Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
