Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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