Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
