..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
