you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
