Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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