There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
