Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
