Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
