Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
