So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
