There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
