I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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