She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
