Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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