I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
