I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
