you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
