im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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