take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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