Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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