Soap is not a condiment
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
