I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
