ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
