I wanna passion pit in your ass
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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