I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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