My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
