wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
