You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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