You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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