if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
