a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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