He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i believe in u and ur pee
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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