I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
